


saw you like never before

by yoonki_boonki



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, Exes, Fluff, Give them time, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pining, Strong Language, This is me projecting, Unrequited Love, and they were ROOMMATES, but its not that serious, i wrote this so u know there will be bed sharing, its a whole mess, the world could fall apart but beomgyu would still be best boy, unresolved emotional trauma that we are gonna heal together
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-18
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-16 13:48:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28832208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yoonki_boonki/pseuds/yoonki_boonki
Summary: Soobin was in a cocoon and didn't care to emerge as a butterfly, didn't do well with change, so he lived his adventures through others'- found in between hard and paperback covers. Yeonjun carried plastic rhinestones in his pencil case, kissed his best friend to sleep and wrote essays that mocked everything Soobin had ever loved. They didn't get along. But neither did "life" and "unscarred" on the opposite sides of the same equal sign, yet it was a battle known by the both of them- tries of balancing it out.One's secret became the other's, and then it was unstoppable, crashing both worlds together with attempts of not saying too much, pulling back and forth. Still, one can only regret what they never chose to do, and Soobin got to learn it with his own heart at the line.
Relationships: Choi Beomgyu/Kang Taehyun, Choi Soobin/Choi Yeonjun, Choi Soobin/Kang Taehyun
Comments: 7
Kudos: 50
Collections: yeonbin_ficfest_2021





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> ~ hello once again, dear yeonbin lovers ~  
> Hope you'll enjoy this! Expect there to be many twists and turns o-o
> 
> Also, go follow my amazing beta on her [ tumblr !! ](https://btsbias.tumblr.com/)

"All I'm saying is that I'm lucky it's not me," Taehyun shrugged, and Soobin visualised the boy trip on the stairs they were walking up while dragging their suitcases behind them one step at a time. The lights in the stairwell were turned low, matching the dark gradient clouding the outside- it wasn't an impossible scenario.

"Just come out and say it," Kai chirped in from the front, already much further than the two other boys, covering his grin with the sleeve of a crew neck three sizes too large for his body. 

Soobin groaned.

"Soobin," Taehyun placed a sympathetic hand on the older boy's wrist, "you're absolutely fucked." They both heard Kai let out a squealing laugh, and Soobin hardened his expression, the latter quickly retrieving his palm.

"I'm sure it will be just fine," Kai tried to fix the broken. It was futile.

They had reached the end of the stairway- this was where their paths separated. The dorms for the second years' were located after the commandant's hole in the wall, who with disinterest checked the youngsters' id's, guided them further, the annoyed expression unfaltering. It was a part of the no drinking-no partying-no leaving after the curfew policy that the university enforced on the youngest.

"Send us a text if you need anything, yeah?" Taehyun lowered his voice, "I'm sure we can smuggle you inside our dorm," he gestured with his chin at the intimidating but surely bored commandant.

It might have been a silly joke at first, but Soobin had his priorities straight, and more than anything wanted to keep them that way. "Yeah," he frowned, but the lines on his face were softer than before, "thanks."

Soobin was no first nor second-year student, he waved the younger two goodbyes  and took on another stairwell taking him a story higher , looking for room number 55- the highly possible grand finale of his life. If grand equalled dinosaurs and hair chalk. In his world- it probably did.

Literature was his sweet release- always has been. When the earth spun in a direction that made him dizzy, created a vortex of hopelessness in between his lungs, he shoved his face in a story and forgot everything, lived as someone else for a fraction of time- happy. Then, when the story ended, he gladly dived into another one.

The emotion hidden in books left him bewildered. Stories of real people and their life lessons, their happiness, their honest sorrow positioned together in a bouquet of imagination, and it was up to the readers to guess which words came from the soul, an open wound refusing to heal, and which from a land of dreams. Still, the writers had felt it all, and- oh god- Soobin could only assume he understood what it meant for them, how the words written on paper felt on the skin, in the blood vessels of the heart. 

The boy found soothing for the being in the metaphors, the symbolisms, intertextuality. It was what he cherished the most- the depth of it. The meaning it gave to life, asking for the reader to look at it from a new, broader perspective. Soobin’s love for such beauty was given down to him by his lovely mother, how could he not place it on an exceptional pedestal? They've bonded over it for years, shared memories.

So you could say he was - a little - upset about being paired in a room with Choi Yeonjun. But it was reasonable, it really was!

Once he found the cursed room number, Soobin opened the door, and it was alright. The  space intended for two students to share wasn't anything close to lush, but the boy breathed out in relief at the marvellous sight of a separate bathroom. Last year he could only dream of one. The dorm kitchen- just as last year- was shared by all-same year students. But most of them ordered food rather than cooked it, lived off of store-bought frozen meals and instant ramen, so it wasn't a huge deal. Soobin could deal with that.

Two beds stood at opposite sides, and there was an ugly looking red carpet with a triangle pattern between them, complimenting the chipped beige walls, two twin cherry wood tables, a common wardrobe. Soobin picked the empty bed on the right side- threw his suitcase on it, his tired body following.

The thing was, he had known Yeonjun for as long as he could remember, the image of him familiar even before university. It was fate's joke he had kept to himself for now- the following of the latter's presence all through Soobin's life, a whisper in the background. It wasn't like he could exactly muffle it out, anyway. A white noise, a squeal of blood rushing through his ears, a sound made of silence. Because Choi Yeonjun didn't - exactly - make a lot of noise, he just - was - a lot. A strong presence, perhaps? But not the accomplished kind, not the type that left another in awe, envious of the latter's stance, confidence and everything else unreachable by the mortals of this earth. The kind that made another go, "Huh? What is this?"

Soobin was already prepared for whatever dared to unfold when the door opened once more, creaking ever so slightly. A light pink hair strand poked through the crack, then the tip of a pointed nose.

"This is room fifty-five, right?" the boy pushed half of his body inside the room, murmuring to himself before spotting Soobin, their eyes meeting in a stare-off.

Soobin muttered a, "yeah," then turned to lay on his side, pretending to scroll through his phone- turned off, screen black. With the corner of his eye, he saw the boy enter, fidgeting around until he finally dropped his bag on the leftover bed. There was a cat-sized dinosaur plush in his arms- lime green with two large beaded eyes-, which he pet with the palm of his hand before carefully placing it on top of a sheetless pillow. Soobin didn't understand.

"I'm Choi Yeonjun, by the way," the boy said while unpacking, back turned to the latter, "and you?"

Soobin furrowed his eyebrows. 

The first time he had met Yeonjun was during primary school. They hadn't been classmates, but the memory of him was still fresh in his mind. He had been different back then- louder maybe, made friends with ease, and knew how to stand his ground, how to win over the teachers. Soobin could note it in the way Yeonjun used to say his own name- like everyone in the room was gathered there just to hear it. 

Soobin has always kept more to himself- reserved. Maybe he simply didn't enjoy wasting time on things that didn't matter, like boldness and being someone’s favourite. 

Then, three years ago, Choi Yeonjun reappeared with bleach blonde hair- a mullet- and rhinestones on his cheek that glistened out of place, and now the university started taking notice of him, of his essays, presentations, poems of dinosaurs and everything else that mocked the beauty of literature. The boy wasn't as noisy anymore, always sat and ate alone, avoided conversation. Now thinking of it, Soobin didn't even want to understand.

They had never talked before, but the whispers in Soobin's head didn't want to believe the latter had never noticed his presence.

You see, Soobin was a tall -tall- guy (lucky, wasn't it?), on top of all of his classes without much effort, dark chocolate eyes matching his hair. There must have been something special, memorable about him. 

"Soobin," he said as nonchalantly as he could, lips pushed together in a tight line.

Yeonjun hummed in response, "Hope we can make this work. It's my first year living in dorms."

For a second Soobin wanted to ask how so as it was the latter's third year, but he chose against it. Money issues, he assumed, and left it at that.

Yeonjun turned as if to leave for the bathroom but paused, finger pointed at the other boy's bag. Soobin kept pretending that whatever displayed on his phone - it was nothing, not even a thing if his reflection didn't count - was more captivating than the sudden turn of events. 

"You're a Choi as well," Yeonjun said, and it sounded as if the older was mocking him. Them? 

Soobin glanced to where he was pointing and, ah, it was the name tag his mother had put on his bag, always worried. He let out a groan which in the context of the situation could have been taken as an agreement. 

Yeonjun smiled, replied how it would be funny if they divided rooms by last names- a whole hallway of Chois. Or maybe they were the only two, and this was supposed to be the bigger joke. Then finally left, locked himself inside their shared bathroom with a lilac towel in hand.

* * *

It was the third week of university, and Soobin was already six-feet deep in assignments. There was a lecture about Theory and Criticism that he had to conduct for a grade, and it was stressing the boy out to the point of his skin taking the damage- reddened spots making an appearance on his lower jaw. It was tragic. 

"When are we going out?" Kai slumped his upper body on top of the library desk, tired. 

Taehyun didn't look up from the notebook he was reading, marking every other word with neon yellow- the whole page coloured at this point. "Out of these bodies? Life? Consciousness? Hopefully soon; I'm drained, and it's only the end of the first month."

Soobin watched them both, face resting on top of his palm. There were a lot of things he could say about almost everyone he had met in his life, analyse their positive attributes and how they reacted with the opposite qualities that their souls carried. His English teacher in fourth grade used to remind him to dream big, but her eyes never reached his, the smile on her lips lasting only a mere second. The mailman who brought his mother’s weekly magazine to their home’s threshold asked about their day like a prayer- faithfully each time-, yet overpowered their answers with happenings Soobin wasn’t so sure were real. The principal’s hands shook whenever she talked about the university's achievements. Soobin’s niece laughed the most piercingly whenever her father was around, secretly full of hurt.

But when it came to Kai and Taehyun- 

he couldn't say a thing.

Because it didn't matter to him- the why's and how's, the hidden agendas, the unreadable expressions. Well, no - not that he didn't care about -them-, he just didn't care to dehumanise them. Shape them in any way or form that fit better into his daily life, question their motives, pin-point all of their details. It came naturally. 

The boys lived, and he let them. With all of their faults, their talents - they were not Soobin's story to tell. It was freeing to have reached such closeness with the two of them that no matter what, they were Huening Kai and Kang Taehyun, and it said enough.

Kai whined loudly and immediately got shushed by the librarian sorting books at a two-metre distance from them. "Out to have fun," he said with that puppy expression he wore so well.

"You can’t even hold your liquor," smirked the blonde, "let's not even start with you and women. Last time we went out you-"

"Boys, no talking!" the librarian was sending death glares their way, Soobin bowed his head- a silent apology. 

Taehyun continued while whispering, "-you fucking tripped at least three girls on the dance floor with your -moves-, and that didn't even involve you actually opening your mouth and talking to them. Not that this conversation is about making relations, it's about not being a god damned threat to society."

Soobin grinned remembering- it was chaos.

"It's not my fault!" Kai whispered back, but it was the first signal of war, "Dear Choi Soobin over here, the national treasure, the captain drinker, lead role of  _ Every Moment Can Become a Tequila Moment _ -"

Soobin rolled his eyes, then by accident met the librarian's in between shelves of history and philosophy textbooks- challenging- and ducked his head to disappear from her point of view. 

"-doesn't know what the words  _ if you pour me one more, you'll have to carry me home _ mean. I thought he was a language and literature fanatic- maybe I am wrong," the boy shrugged. 

"I did carry you home, though," Soobin whispered back, masking his mouth with a flattened palm- discreet. He did, he truly did, and he was never doing that again.

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean you had to go all the way to reach the point of no return."

Soobin furrowed his eyebrows in a theatrical manner, tilting his head to one side, "I'm sorry, but who are we talking about?"

Taehyun snorted, finally pushing his notes away, making sure Soobin saw his amused expression, "Kai, there's more pride in a fair defeat than a false win."

The younger raised himself, positioning his body to lean against his elbows, "All this talking, but when it's about going out to have some real fun- crickets," he complained, but Taehyun quickly placed his hand over Kai's lips, silencing his raised voice. All the boys flashed an apologetic smile to the librarian who was ready to kick them out at this point, staring at the trio with her hands on her hips.

Soobin knew they all noticed Yeonjun walk in the next moment. It was the way none of them resumed the court hearing that had managed to spring between them until the boy sat down, opening his laptop- dinosaur pyjama bottoms matching his pink hair. After that, all prior accusations were long forgotten, a new match already lit in the chamber of gas. 

Taehyun raised his eyebrow, turning his head to look at Soobin, "how has it been?"

Terrible, it has been terrible. Yeonjun lived in a mess, his clothes scattered everywhere on an everyday basis, towels left on the floor by the shower. There were nights when the latter was gone, and Soobin thanked the higher beings for allowing him this moment of peace, but then he woke up, and the room reeked of alcohol, there was glitter on the ugly carpet- the boy passed out with half his clothes on above the covers of his bed.

Soobin never saw him study, didn't see him that much in general except before going to sleep or during the lectures they shared. But Yeonjun sat all the way to the front and Soobin blended in at the middle.

"Yeah, you haven't talked about it," Kai joined in, nudging the dark-haired boy. 

"He's weird," was all he answered.

"I heard rumours about him the other day," Kai gestured for the three of them to lean in closer, which they did, "Heard he's dating some theatre major. A girl I have English with tried making out with him at a bar last week but this guy took her by the shoulders and guided her to the door. Said Yeonjun - doesn't mess around or date -."

"But," Taehyun squinted his eyes, confused, "you just mentioned him dating the guy, why would he say-" 

"That's the rumour, everything else is a fact." Kai grimaced as if it was obvious. "You know, most of all, I'm surprised the guy has friends, " he admitted and earned a light smack on the head from the librarian who had without notice made her way to their table. 

"Out!" she declared, "Now!" 

The room full of people didn't even try to swallow down their smug grins, staring at the three boys packing their bags, endlessly apologising for causing trouble.

The hallways were quiet, most students already back at their dorms, filling out pages of homework or rather lounging around with the action in mind. There was a dulcet melody composed of guitars and a drum set playing in the background-the music club working on a new song- as they pulled their feet through the campus. It was pleasant, calming, helped Soobin relax and not get the frustration over getting kicked out before he could finish his work get the best of him. 

He loved studying, loved planning- slowly climbing the ladder to the promised stable future. It brought him comfort, a sense of achievement, especially when he could do it in the area he cherished so dearly- literature. But above all, he loved making his mother proud, knew it made her happy whenever he called the woman to gush over an excellent mark on a test. It meant the world to her, so it meant the world to him, as well. How could it not?

"So about that going out," Kai remembered once they got to where the dorms separated. "How about at the end of next week? We rarely do things like that, it will be fun."

Taehyun rubbed at the back of his nape, unsure, "I can't promise anything- maybe. My parents usually ask me to come home for the weekends."

Soobin agreed, forcing a slight smile on his lips, "I'll try to keep the date open," and it seemed to be enough for the youngest, a hopeful gleam already on full display. 

"Great!"

"Great," Soobin nodded, "See you both tomorrow then," he spared them a look of goodbye, walking off to his room.

Truth be told he missed home, missed his mother's cooking and her life advice whenever he stayed at the dorms longer than a week. It was silly- he was twenty-something, in the prime time of life. Soobin should have been eager to conquer the world, make it his glistening oyster made out of nacre, but the boy liked to think of himself as a "play it safe" type of guy. He didn't do well with change- it freaked him out.

The city he came from wasn't big- he could walk to one of its edges and back at the period of forty minutes if he didn't get stopped midway by familiar faces wanting to send a greeting to his family. The roads there were paved with chipped grey bricks, and the scenery through his window unfolded into half-blind stray cats gathering around his front door for greasy leftovers. A bit secluded from the capital's skyscrapers, a bit lonesome for those who didn't have their childhood memories carved into the streets. It was what he was used to, where he felt safe.

So despite the city enveloping Soobin calling him by his name- alluring- with all the shining opportunities to be taken, people to be met- he couldn't have been less bothered. He had his one-track mind set on his studies and his one-track heart on his way back home. Help his dear mother with the chores, with the money. Somehow. Somehow he was going to figure it all out for them.

When he opened the door to room 55- it was in disarray. Crumpled papers were lying on the floor and on his bed, which he immediately threw off into the air- annoyed. It was shameless, Yeonjun was absolutely shameless, and it pissed Soobin off, made him grind his teeth, bite the inside of his cheek from words unsaid. He hadn't opened his mouth to the boy yet, hoping the latter's behaviour would improve with time, but - clearly - it was not going to happen. Not in this world.

The roommate Soobin had last year barely slept at their dorm- always off finding excitement in someone else's bed. Yeah, the room smelled of cigarettes when he came by to pack clean clothes, he stole Soobin's shampoo and body wash and never apologised, but the boy knew shame. Knew when he had fucked up, when not to show himself to Soobin's flaming eyes after causing another failed morning shower.

This - dinosaur guy or whatever the fuck - knew none of that. Shit, it was as if Soobin wasn't even there, as if his presence meant nothing more than a rat's in a wall.

Soobin went into the bathroom to find a broom and, filled with anger, started sweeping all the papers in a pile. He didn't care if Yeonjun needed any of them- they were all going into the trash. It took him about ten minutes to get the ones ripped into pieces out from under the dresser, then around ten more to calm down, close his eyes and breathe in and out, 

in 

and 

out 

"Think of a happy place," he murmured to himself. Not that it ever worked- he thought of the books he had read, the lifetimes he had lived hand in hand with the characters, but it felt more like yearning, not happiness.

Then he heard the door creak open. 

"Hey," a familiar voice filled the room, cautious. "I-uh-," the boy cut himself short, and Soobin opened his eyes, turned to look at his pink-haired roommate. "You cleaned it up, uh-"

"Did you want me to leave it there?" Soobin gestured with his hands, no warmth, no nothing. He was sick of it, anger starting to boil inside of him once more.

"N-no," Yeonjun went to press his hand against his temples, the other holding his laptop against his side, "I would have done it myself," but now his tone was matching the latter's- annoyed. 

Soobin snickered, "Right. Like last time?" Or any other time, as a matter of fact. Papers, dirty clothes, even dried mud from the soles of Yeonjun's shoes- in these three weeks, Soobin had seen it all.

Yeonjun finally stepped inside, closing the door behind him, overlooking the room. There was a tinge of worry mixing in with the anger, hiding in the lines of his furrowed brows. Soobin rolled his eyes, passed him the broom, shoved it into his roommate's hands with more force than necessary- just because he could. 

"Go ahead," he said the words as a replacement for a white fluttering flag but created more flame.

"Why are you such an asshole?" Yeonjun took a step forward, carefully throwing his laptop onto his bed, his voice coming out louder than Soobin had heard in ages- hoarse.

"Me?" he laughed, "Sure, whatever makes you sleep better at night."

Soobin leaned down to pick up a book from beside his bed, shoved a pair of wired headphones in his pocket. He was getting the hell out of there, screw this situation, screw this weirdo.

"You could have asked, you know that right?" Yeonjun set the broom against the wall, and Soobin heard him kick the trash can, trying to see the pieces of his crumpled papers tossed inside, "Like an adult?"

Now that was a funny thing to say. "Ahh, the art of projecting," Soobin uttered to himself.

He knew it wasn't pretty, knew he was acting by his emotions, but if Yeonjun had at least tried to keep their relation somewhat bearable- this wouldn't be happening. So he didn't care. He spun around and shoved the smaller boy to the side, trying to open the door to leave.

Yeonjun hissed, "What the fuck?" but Soobin was already making his way down the hall. The voice calling out for him fusing with the sound of his footsteps. He was the wind, scattered, restless all over the place.

There was an area with a loveseat near the kitchen which nobody ever occupied. It had a standing lamp that buzzed with a yellow light, a floral crocheted pillow as a failed attempt to liven the corner, a tear on one of the armrests wide enough to poke two fingers through. Not that it mattered. Soobin needed a place to cool down, read over his textbook notes, possibly look for an apartment within a few minute radius from the campus buildings. 

He slumped down- it was getting late, late enough that he could allow himself to lift his feet up, prop them against the fabric of the couch, legs bent at the knees. He pressed the book he had grabbed against his chest, staring at the ceiling. And it felt bad. 

It felt bad that he had lashed out on the older, acted out on emotion and impulse. Soobin felt guilty, and the feeling throbbed together with his heartbeat, each passing second a bit heavier than before. He knew his mother wouldn't approve of this. She had taught him better.

Yeah, he didn't particularly like- had never liked- this Choi Yeonjun guy, didn't understand his tactics, didn't care to try and figure them out, but it didn't give him a reason to be a bitch about it.

Yet the red, blooming anger was there present with the guilt- a rollercoaster ride taking him higher before it dropped him back down. He was sure Yeonjun could make his own decisions, live his life just fine in the god damned mess he created around him if it was his choice. But it was part of basic human understanding that whenever someone else was involved you had to adapt if only for the slightest bit. Understand their needs. And the bar for Soobin's needs was low. All he wanted was for the floor to be fucking clean, his bed untouched, his space respected. As basic as that.

But now here he was- basking in anger and guilt-, and it wasn't his fault. 

Soobin exhaled. 

"You good?" came a familiar voice, and the boy sat up abruptly searching for the other. 

Soobin tensed his jaw, brushed a falling hair strand away from his eyes, and, "yeah- yeah, I'm fine."

"Roommate issues?" Taehyun suggested, crossing his arms over his chest, leaning against the wall of the kitchen entrance.

Soobin shrugged, lowering his feet back onto the ground.

"You're torn."

He was. Still, "Why are you here?"

Taehyun grinned, unfolding his arms to hold up a packet of sugar, "Stealing from you."

Somehow the mood changed after that; it didn't feel as suffocating anymore. Looking at Taehyun's half-lidded eyes and grey sweats, Soobin guessed that perhaps he was only tired. The life he had been given might fit him better tomorrow.

"Could have asked first," he said, pretending he cared, but the words were airy, and there was a chance they never existed in the first place. 

But Taehyun grinned once more, proving that maybe they did, "Want to talk about it?" 

"The sugar?" Soobin raised his eyebrows, jokingly.

"Nah," the boy came closer, for a second contemplating sitting next to the older, but deciding against it. Soobin could note it in the way they shared a pregnant look- a secret they never spoke of, "You looking as if you're about to give up on life."

"It's not that serious," he objected, fingers lightly tapping on the book still held against his chest.

"Right," Taehyun nodded. "Sleeping here tonight?"

"No, I just needed to cool off," he admitted, lowering his gaze to the ankle-high socks the latter was wearing, "got kind of angry, you know how-"

"- I know," the boy whispered. "You need a certain type of structure, a certain type of peace; it's alright. Maybe ask for a room switch?"

Everything always found its place, didn't it? A microscopic hole where to spill through. Even the smallest of emotions, the smallest of half-thoughts appeared in front of the person bearing them, suddenly. As if the earth had always revolved around them.

Taehyun fit next to Soobin in a dim-lit room, a buzzing light bulb colouring the mood between them. Away from knowing eyes, away from the urgency to admit to things unsaid, to - deal- with all of it.

Soobin bit the inside of his cheek, "I might."

"Cool."

"Cool," and it was always like this- a little strained when they were alone, bitter, but familiar. The strain didn't hurt, though, but the memories it induced afterwards ringed in Soobin's head for hours.

"Wanna head back?" Taehyun asked, backing up a bit, eyes on the older- unmoving. 

Soobin shook his head, "Gonna read. Give me about an hour, and I'll crawl back to my room."

The latter nodded, giving the older a faltering smile and a wave of his hand saying he'll see him tomorrow, and then Soobin was alone again.

After that, the moment, the lonesome atmosphere felt weak. Soobin felt weak. He opened the book, reading through the lines but what flooded his mind were not the words written, but rather the questioning of why. They were naive thoughts, shortsighted, but it wasn't a crime to wish for miracles, to search for them in between the everyday stress.

Why couldn't life simply flow his way? Why all of these distractions?

When Soobin came back to his room, the lights were already out, a lump under the blankets to his left. Yeonjun was asleep, smacking his lips while dreaming- an irritating sound in Soobin's humble opinion. Choi Yeonjun was a hassle both when awake and asleep. How wonderful. 

The younger boy undressed, setting the alarm clock to seven am, pushing his face into the cold pillow before groaning without making a sound. It was a bit ironic, but at least one of them had been raised well.

To get an apartment, he needed cash which meant he needed a job. Soobin couldn't - afford - to have a job when his studies were taking most of his time. 

A room switch? Maybe. Yeah, maybe he could get a room switch. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the long wait T - T 
> 
> please ! remember that the way these characters are portrayed is NOT the way txt are or i see them. these are just that - characters -   
> everything written here is for the sake of the ALTERNATIVE UNIVERSE enemies to friends to lovers storyline that in the basis of things is just me battling myself, thank you

The room switching didn't go as planned. Neither did trying to look for a cheap close-by apartment and an undemanding part-time job.

"Soobin, the rooms have already been assigned, we can't make official rearrangements anymore," said the principal’s assistant, leisurely stretching a stiff chewing gum between the upper and lower row of her teeth. "The only option that comes to my mind is looking for another student who would personally want to swap with you."

"But," Soobin exhaled, feeling himself give up, "wouldn't that mean I'd end up with another bad roommate?"

The boy wasn't interested in trading the time he could be studying for a -possibly- successful new roommate search, which in the end might lead him into another trap. Tie Soobin to a situation similar to the one he was trying to run away from or even worse. Plus, the whole moving his stuff, cleaning out the old and the new space for good measure would take at least a couple of hours. Precious hours of memorising, preparing for tests.

The woman shrugged, reaching out to flip the next page to the magazine she was reading, "I don't control that, that's up to you, I'm sure you already know."

"I'd take any empty room you have," he pleaded. "I don't care-"

"Soobin," the woman pulled her lips in a tight line, glancing at him from the side, "we can't give you special treatment, that would simply be wrong, wouldn't it? We treat our students equally." She revealed. "Have you tried exercising the act of having a healthy conversation with-", she squinted her eyes, wordlessly asking for the missing name.

"Choi Yeonjun," he supplied, and the assistant furrowed her eyebrows.

"Two Chois in the same room?" she asked, for a moment confused until an amused smile spread to her lips. 

Soobin knew this was a losing game.

"Have you tried looking for a solution together with Choi Yeonjun?" she repeated. 

Soobin had -kind of- tried. He had been patient, given the latter time. Then, he had tried cleaning after him, which had resulted in a fight, so that was no use. Nowadays, he was simply avoiding the older, spending the last week nearly living in the quiet corners of the library, the dining hall. And it had fucking sucked. Every single molecule of air filled with the neverending aura of the university grind he could not escape had done nothing more than added to the dark circles under his eyes. Soobin was annoyed, drowsy and stressed.

This was his last resort. Sadly.

Soobin hitched his backpack higher on the shoulder it was hanging from, "yeah," he murmured defeated.

Because what else could he have done? It wasn't like Yeonjun was eager to participate in the wonders of being-decent-to-one-another. Even talking was above this guy's efforts.

"Well then I'm afraid that's all we can do," the woman said, giving Soobin a faint reassuring smile as if that did any good. "This is real life- you can't always have everything you want, you know? The world will never be the perfect place, but you got to work through it, bloom even in the darkest of shades if you know what I mean." She nodded to herself, and Soobin wondered if slamming his forehead against the desk separating them would at least make the woman take him seriously. She hadn't even checked if they had any empty rooms.

This was useless. 

"I understand," he replied, voice steady.

"Give the boy time; it's only the first month," she reassured him. "A bit of bickering here and there, and soon you'll be best pals."

Soobin wanted to scoff at that. He wasn't a kindergartener who needed a lesson or two on how to make friends. What he needed was a place where he could sleep without the fear of some pink-haired asshole disgorging ethanol on his shit, transforming their shared room into a war zone full of mines made out of dirty socks and empty yoghurt cups.

He faked a polite smile, thanking the woman for her time.

"It's going to be just fine," Soobin heard the assistant guarantee as he turned around and made his way out of her office.

The worst part was that Soobin didn't want to do all of this, he didn't want to bother the principal or his assistants, didn't want to go around begging for help. It made his footsteps heavy with the thoughts of being a burden, troubling or interrupting others with his primitive issues. 

He wouldn't dare to call his mother, moan to her about it. He was the only son, the last man in the family. She had her own headaches to heal, didn't need any additional ones. And the same went for his two best friends.

"Remember our offer," Kai squeezed Soobin's shoulder as they stood in the hallway, the older boy's back pressed against the white wall.

"I'm not sleeping on the floor, and neither are any of you two," he looked past the brunette, overlooking the people marching through the university, a tinge of guilt at the pit of his stomach. 

It was sort of a blur, their figures blending with one another- some faster, some more sluggish. Soobin had never understood the rhythm of life, going with the flow. Wasn't it a privilege- to sit back and enjoy the ride? To pull your hair out over an ominous tomorrow, rather than a present that did not intend to wait; it's rough fingers pulsing around your throat.

"I'll be fine. It's not a big deal," he added, finally meeting Kai's eyes. 

Soobin knew the boy saw through his promise, noted it in the way Kai took a breath too many before giving in. "Alright, big guy," the boy squeezed his shoulder one more time before letting his hand fall to his side. There wasn't a lot they could do about it, not when Soobin has never been easy to persuade. "Just know that we -both- would be happy to have another roommate with us," he said with an intention, an emphasis. As if the words held more than he was allowed to say out loud, more than he dared. It was all see-through to Soobin, though.

He bit his cheek, choosing to focus on the forever changing figures over Kai's fiery eyes, "Right."

Kai crossed his arms over his chest, but not in a passive-aggressive way, no, a self-protective one perhaps. "Y'all good?" he said with a lowered voice.

The girl opposite of them was untangling her headphones- white wired. A boy from Soobin's year brushed his hair away from his overly sweaty face, clearly distressed. Soobin guessed it was likely because of the essay due today. Someone in the lecture room to their right bumped into a desk, making its metal legs scratch against the wooden flooring merging with a sound of a groan. 

"We're good," he replied.

Kai sighed, "Have y'all talked?"

Soobin wondered if the noise followed everywhere, then remembered the quiet of the streets near his home. Even the pigeons were silent there, the only sound of wind sharply rounding corners.

"Soobin," Kai called for him, bringing the older back from his thoughts. "Have you both talked?" he asked again.

Soobin grimaced at that, "Have -you- both talked?" He didn't mean to sound annoyed, immediately following the sentence with a faltering smile and kind eyes- rounded, a bluff.

Kai shrugged, picking up his backpack from where it lied on the floor by his feet. Soobin was familiar with the motion, "Nothing much."

Soobin could see the evidence of a frown painting the boy's face, frustration maybe? Or was it something much deeper like heartache?

"It's none of my business anyway," the younger added.

In a way, he was right. In a way, there wasn't any -business- to begin with in the first place. "I appreciate your offer, by the way," Soobin remembered.

Kai laughed, "I know," then the joy on his face transformed into a mischievous smirk, "why don't you say thank you by coming to our dorm room some evening? Grab a beer?" 

Soobin couldn't help but mirror the laugh, "You want to get in trouble?" 

"I just know I'm not getting you and Taehyun out on a weekend night any time soon," the younger scratched the back of his nape.

Soobin figured it was another thing he should start feeling guilty over. He knew how precious was their time spent together for Kai, time outside of the usual university mood. 

"Only one beer," Kai swung his backpack by his side, holding it by one of the slowly descending straps. "We could watch a film? The commandant wouldn't even know." 

She certainly wouldn't. As strict as this place's system seemed, it was made out of a sheer facade, hence why the younger even took the risk to suggest the three of them sharing a room. Plus, this option was much more convenient for Soobin than a night out spent browsing bars or other shady places, asking for his whole weekend.

"Alright," he agreed. "We got a deal." 

Kai smiled, teeth on display, "I'm choosing the film."

Soobin nodded.

"I got to go," the boy announced, when the hallways began to clear up, finally throwing his bag onto his shoulders, "I'll see you later?"

"Yeah."

It didn't take long for the lecture to start after that- the professor asking the students to enter and take their seats. As alike in every other class, Soobin had found his place nearing the end, where he could mingle in with the rest of the faded half typewriter half caffeine creatures.

And they belonged in there- their darkened eye bags matching the chipped cream coloured walls, the dusted ceiling with occasional fingerprint patterns. Soobin didn't know how they got there, not that he really cared. Students did a bunch of dumb shit, especially the ones majoring in arts or maybe like robotics or something.

Three years ago, when Soobin had told his mother he was to pursue literature, dive headfirst into the abundant world of creative writing, she had admitted to him that she already knew. It wasn't a surprise. It would have been a great shock if one sunny morning Soobin would have told her he saw his future polishing shoes or calculating statistics, planting white lilies at a nearby park.

Literature lit a fire in his soul whenever the white noise of everyday life dimmed it down. A mist of freshness, a life force demanding the blood in his veins to circle once more, electric.

"Everyone, please hand down your essays," spoke the professor, filling every corner with his wailing voice. He was a man in his sixties- grey hair shaved to a few millimetres, always wearing those swamp coloured fabric pants that flared at the bottom. He wore them every other day. To be honest, Soobin couldn't remember a time he hadn't seen the man in them, the mental image too strong. 

He and Soobin had a good relationship, nothing special, simply mutual respect.

Someone at the far end of the lecture room whined, asking if they could sign in their work later. "Tomorrow, I'll bring it to you then," a girl with two shoulder-length braids besides Soobin joined in, but the old man couldn't care less.

"You had your chance," he replied, piling papers on his desk, clearly disinterested, "I won't need it tomorrow."

Soobin leaned over his desk, tapping the boy in front of him on the shoulder, passing further his work. The choices for the essay topic weren't even that difficult, he didn't get the big deal.

"Oh, come on," the girl hissed under her breath, desperately turning to Soobin for something- help, agreement maybe- he didn't know, didn't care. The boy just shrugged and slipped back into his seat- unbothered.

Soobin wasn't one to complain, yet he was never blind to the contrast his existence had to others sharing his birth year. He learned the meaning of responsibilities and how to deal with them from an early age. He didn't see it as an advantage, though. 

So naturally, when he needed to run away from them- the pressure, the duties that didn't intend to wait- if only for a short while, he always had a place, and with time and experimenting he got good- exceptionally skilful - at writing. These how's and why's weren't a secret. 

That was his reason for walking this path, choosing this course. Soobin wasn't to try and guess the intentions of others- if they were pure or stained with tar. But when twenty minutes later the classroom door opened anew, and a dishevelled Yeonjun stepped in, Soobin -did- caught himself concluding that perhaps not everyone was guided here by love and respect for the art.

The boy resembled a tornado survivor- blonde hair tossed to all sides, his belongings clutched to his chest, and Soobin -knew- he had seen the latter sleep in the same clothes he was draped in at that moment. Black sweatpants matching an oversized grey hoodie.

The room went silent, everyone turning their heads to watch the boy. Yeonjun bowed in apology, pushing his round glasses higher up his nose, "I'm sorry for interrupting."

The professor clapped his hands, the sound echoing, "Yeonjun, take your seat and hand in today's papers. Everyone back to me!"

Soobin watched the boy nod furiously, then do the walk of shame up to his front-row seat. Soobin hadn't seen him all morning nor last evening, now that he thought about it. But it was their third lecture, two pm and the sun outside was starting to glow orange behind the thick rain clouds- Soobin couldn't fathom the reasoning behind being this late. In a way, it made him irritated- the lack of accountability the boy had inside of him.

Yeonjun has always been this way, ever since Soobin remembered, which could be the reason why the older doesn't recall his face. By dashing through life, doing whatever came to his mind, Yeonjun most likely had missed a couple of steps along the way. Or a dozen of them. By the looks of it- nowadays the latter was the type of person to point a gun at the sky and shoot only to see where the bullet landed. Immature, reckless and all other things Soobin could never call himself.

Besides him, the girl with braids snickered, and curious, Soobin took a glance at her and the phone she was holding. The text message opened read: _ 'Yeonjun's so cute, too bad he's weird as hell lol would let him step on me tho'.  _ Soobin grimaced, turning to look back at the professor, who was amid a PowerPoint presentation, voice as screeching as ever.

It was one thing to have Yeonjun as another student in their course, a shadow in the background, someone who was regularly late, didn't sign in work or bullshitted his way through it, and annoyingly still got away with it. A rumour magnet. Sure, Soobin could even turn his back to the mockery that was the older's essays or presentations he had seen. Could swallow down the fact that the boy barely made it each year, a step further over the edge and he'd be freefalling out of the university, ungrateful for all the passes he had been given. Because it wasn't Soobin's business at the end of the day. Whatever.

But seeing Yeonjun show up to the lecture as the physical manifestation of mayhem meant there must be mud all over their dorm room's floor, clutter around the boy's bed - the older's belongings dishevelled. Therefore there was chaos an arm's length from where Soobin was supposed to lay to rest tonight. Wonderful. Truly incredible.

Soobin bit the inside of his cheek, let his fingers tap restlessly against his desk. Spotting Yeonjun had become a bad omen, not seeing him for a while- also- a bad omen. Either there were reasons for Soobin to feel like giving up, close his eyes and count to ten to calm his nerves or there soon would be. 

He was tired.

By the end of the lecture, Soobin was close to tasting blood on his tongue, fueled by irritation restlessly biting on his cheeks. Head buzzing with static he didn't notice the professor announce them free, the students around him exhaling in relief.

A free period. Soobin was dreading going to his room, cleaning up all the mess that Yeonjun's every step created, then getting the boy's attitude in response.

"Professor, sorry," suddenly a voice cut through the sound of soles brushing against the flooring and into Soobin's attention, "here is my paper."

Silence. Soobin slowly rose to his feet, packing his bag, still carefully listening to the exchange in the front of the class. 

"Yeonjun, what is this?" the older man spoke, irked.

"It's uh-," Soobin heard the sound of paper, Yeonjun continuing after that, "it's the essay that we were required to write for today."

"No," the man replied. 

There were only a few students left in the class, Soobin didn't care, he looked down to the floor, as if deep in thought. He deserved to hear this. 

"This is practically useless. Stop trying to sign in the same essays every other week only changing them up a bit. I'm not grading this or anything else close to it. This is childish." 

More silence. This time it was filled with tension- the one that made another gulp in worry rather than anticipation. Soobin couldn't help but grin to himself. Maybe he should get into spirituality? Buddhism? Karma looked astonishing from where he was sneaking looks to see the situation unfold.

"You think I don't notice it?" the man raised an eyebrow at the blonde.

Soobin could see them much clearer now, the class nearly empty. Yeonjun seemed taken aback, eyes twice as big. 

"I'm sorry, I-" the boy tried, "I can write another, I- I can bring it tomorrow."

Soobin knew it was hopeless, already heard the same excuses an hour ago, but the professor nodded.

"Til 2 am, not a minute later."

And that was when Soobin's grin fell, his face painting itself grey with a mix of anger and disbelief. What the hell? He couldn't believe it. When he fully raised his head from where he was staring holes into the floor, he noted the room was empty now, only the three of them sharing the dead air.

_ 'We can't give you special treatment, that would simply be wrong' _ his ass.

It was primary school all over again. But this time Yeonjun didn't even have to bat an eye for the professor to surrender, didn't have to ask twice for the old man to bend his way. Yeonjun didn't do shit, disrespecting the university, dirtying his pride, and somehow it was alright. He didn't talk to other students, asking for weird looks with his appearance and behaviour, but -once again- somehow the sheeple still craved for his attention. It made Soobin sick. 

"Professor," Soobin couldn't keep it to himself. It wasn't fair, shit, this was furthest from fair it could be. If the other students didn't get another chance, then why should Yeonjun be forgiven for the blatant lack of responsibility? "don't you-"

"Ah!" the old man exclaimed, the screeching voice close to making him deaf. "Soobin, I'm glad you're still here. There is a matter I would like to discuss with the both of you," he said with ease. As if it meant nothing. As if Soobin wasn't a blob of a person, cell by cell starting to fume and turn to smoke right in front of him in the light of day.

"There's a little project, a competition, if you will, I would like you two to enter. Nothing grandiose, but it would be an excellent bonus for you, Soobin, and a chance for you, Yeonjun, to raise your grades," the man explained, giving them both a reason to say yes.

Yeah, right- wasn't going to work.

Yeonjun started, waving his hands in front of him as though swooshing the opportunity away, "I don't think-" 

"I don't think that's a good idea," Soobin interrupted, voice loud and clear because it wasn't. It was the worst. 

"I wouldn't be choosing you both if I didn't have faith, you know," the man shoved the papers from his desk into a black messenger bag, throwing it over his shoulder. "You boys have talent, let it overtake you, let it-" he looked at Yeonjun, eyes sharp, "-just do something with it," he finished with a cough. "The project is individual, may I add."

Oh. Oh- that changed things. Suddenly it wasn't so suffocating in the room anymore, the smoke coming off Soobin gone and his body back in place, restored, listening tentatively. "Alright," Soobin agreed, "yeah, okay." That he could work with Soobin figured persistently swallowing down his anger.

"Great," the professor noted, making his way to the door, Yeonjun disgracefully following his steps, silent. "I'll send you the details later this evening, boys," he said, gesturing for Soobin to get out of the lecture room and locking it behind them, not wasting another minute.

The wind of bewilderment now turned and tossed Soobin's mind, overpowering the previous fit of the raging fire, baffling him. Not that he was about to say screw Yeonjun getting special treatment and just forget about it. No, that was already stored in some dark pit of Soobin's subconscious waiting for a moment to strike. A moment to roar up his nerves again. 

The main aspect that didn't sit right with Soobin now, lodged his throat shut with a sting, was hearing the man call them -both- talented. Both. In the same sentence. With the same meaning, in the same field, the same- 

Soobin had never in his life read or heard anything Yeonjun had written that was worthy of attention. It didn't make sense. He felt panic- a tingle of million ants making their way down his spine, feet cold.

Was - his - work not good enough? Had he overlooked the older's work? But- but that wasn't possible, evidently, Yeonjun treated writing, treated his responsibilities as if they meant nothing for him. And Soobin's own grades were proof of his talent, his hard work. 

It didn't make sense. He didn't want it to make sense. 

So it was only natural his gaze followed the latter- Yeonjun tiptoeing beside the professor, seemingly asking the man more questions about the project as they both waddled through the hallway. And Soobin wasn't usually the type of person to do such things. He had morals, had values, had pride and liked to keep it all untouched- spotless. But when Yeonjun carelessly tossed his homework paper into the hallway trash can, Soobin couldn't help but feel a bubble form in his gut.

Curiosity? No, it was the need to make sure- to see for himself that whatever was written on that paper belonged where it currently was, in the trash. He wasn't going to think about what that meant for him just yet.

So when the two of them were out of sight, Soobin quickly reached into the trash and picked the paper that Yeonjun had previously tried to submit, wincing at a spot of -wet- already deforming the upper corner of the page. It was disgusting, but he -had- to do it, right?

Taking a few steps further away from the  _ crime scene _ , Soobin pressed his right shoulder against the hallway wall, somewhat shielding his actions from the bypassing students. The title read:

_ Choi Yeonjun: "What absurd things has my pet done: an analysis of individual vs society." _

If there was a black hole, a loop of time that allowed the matter of this universe to devour Soobin's whole being without leaving a trace of it, this might have been the best occasion.

It was rubbish- all of it. The more Soobin read the essay, the more he felt the blooming sensation of disappointment filling his lungs. Witty? Sure, he could call the text that. Intriguing? For an eighth-grader, absolutely. Of value? With meaning? Of intelligence? Showcasing talent or anything remotely similar to it? No. 

Not even one bit. 

Soobin closed his eyes, crumbling the paper in his hands until it was a small ball of white. 

When did it all go so wrong? What had he done to deserve this? It was a mockery of his persistent work and his goals to be compared with this. Not that he thought of himself as monumental, laced with a spoonful of narcissism. No. Soobin had developed his skills one day at a time, bettering himself. Had earned the grades he got, the place in this university. Fairly.

It wasn't right! It wasn't! There was no way in hell this was fair. Not to him, not to anyone else in this school. 

Choi Yeonjun was a parasite.

Soobin took a deep breath, holding it for a couple of seconds before exhaling loudly. Someone bumped into his back, making him open his eyes with an annoyed roll. The next period had started, and he was fuming once more.

The walk to his dorm room felt nonexistent as if he was floating mid-air from irritation. He could feel the red in his temples, down his throat, between his ribs. But surely, Soobin knew this wasn't the end for today, knew the moment he opened the dorms room he would be greeted with chaos in another form. 

He tossed the paper ball into the nearest trash can, making sure that what was written on it couldn't be noted. Then, braced himself for the big reveal.

And lo and behold, Soobin opened the door to exactly what he had expected. Alright, perhaps somewhere deep down Soobin acknowledged it wasn't - that - bad. There was a pair of dirty boots thrown right on top of the rug, the mud already dried up into the fabric creating small patches of menace Soobin will have to clean out later. A shirt and what looked like a scarf hung down Yeonjun's bed halfway onto the floor. The older's textbooks piled on top of his bed.

But at this point, it didn't matter how -much- of a mess this was because either way it still - was- a mess that shouldn't have been there. Yeonjun's essay -wasn't- good, and his grades -were- low, and the professor -wasn't- fair, and Soobin -couldn't- be categorized in with the older. And Soobin was angry. He was fucking angry at all of this. At the principal's assistant, the professor, at Yeonjun, at that fucking guy who bumped into him two minutes ago, because fuck him and his awful coordination, what the fuck.

The door to the bathroom opened, and Yeonjun stepped out, wiping his wet face with the lilac towel he always used.

"Hey," he mumbled under his breath, making his way to the bed.

Soobin blinked once, then twice, then, "why the fuck is my room a fucking mess each time I come in here?" He spat.

Yeonjun stopped, turning his head slowly to look at the younger, "Your room?" He asked, unamused.

"Well clearly mine, when you spend most of your nights out- wherever that is."

Yeonjun rolled his eyes, throwing his towel on top of the bed's headrest, himself on top of sheets, taking out his phone as if to block Soobin out.

"Are you even listening?" Soobin spoke in disbelief.

"What do you want me to say?" Yeonjun replied, thumb moving across the lit screen.

Soobin threaded his fingers through his hair, making his way to his bed, leaving the textbooks he won't need anymore there before picking up different ones all while muttering under his breath. "Apologise? Shit, I can’t believe this."

Yeonjun snorted, "right, here we go again." 

Then, a heavy heartbeat later, Soobin heard the latter’s voice once more, a softer tone, a bit like cotton, “Hello?”

Soobin whipped his head back in confusion before noting that Yeonjun had answered a call, the boy now suddenly back upon his feet, entering the bathroom, shutting the door behind him.

Soobin hated everything about this. He rubbed the upper part of the bridge of his nose, asking himself to stay calm. Perhaps already too late. He was going to wait for the next lecture in the dining hall- begin doing some tasks for tomorrow, read through the notes he had written down during the previous class. Anything to keep him busy, productive. Anything to help him clear his mind.

And Soobin was close to leaving the room for good, giving the dirty rug one last glance until Yeonjun’s voice rang in louder. Louder than before, louder than Soobin had ever heard. And he was struck in place. 

Yeonjun was shouting, voice breaking after every other word.

If Soobin had been a different person- a person made out of a softer material or maybe a person so nosy the curiosity took over him more than - once - a day, he would have acted another way. Perhaps he would have waited, knocked on the door to ask the older if he was alright, swallowing down the stiff awkwardness. The _ “I know I was ready to pinch your eyes out a moment ago, but you sound like your heart’s being ripped out, so let's put our fight aside for a moment and let me make sure you’re fine". The "oh, and we’re going to pretend I didn’t see you cry afterwards”. _

But Soobin wasn’t that type of person. Not to Yeonjun.

Still, he wasn’t going to eavesdrop on the boy either, listening to his phone call filled with misery. He was sure everyone had their sob stories, everyone had to go through them at some point. Suddenly Soobin wasn't so angry anymore, his gut filling up with a feeling he didn't want to digest.

He gritted his teeth, putting in his earphones, throwing his backpack over a single shoulder, walking out the room. He had better things to think about. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anyways,,, does anyone else smell a plot twist or is it just me? huh weird ... 
> 
> follow my twitter @ [yoonkiboonki](https://twitter.com/yoonkiboonki)
> 
> kudos and comments always welcomed :")


	3. -

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's so much drama in this ahahahaha enjoyyy

It wasn't that big of a deal, really. The boys did this fairly often- the three of them sharing a couple of drinks, reviving the red string of fate that occasionally dimmed out over the vivid colours of adult life. Perhaps not exactly  _ vivid _ , at least not in the favourable all smiles and happy tears type of way. Overbearing? Overwhelming? That sounded about right.

It was supposed to bring joy, a way to let go, and usually- it was. Unmistakably. As much as Soobin loved living entirely focused on his studies and future- a man of responsibility-, he knew periods of this conditioned freedom where the aspects of life he held on to with clenched fists were put to the side were essential. It was simple. Soobin needed rest to be productive, and he loved his friends, cherished their time spent together. In more ways than one, their get-togethers had always been a pleasant experience.

In many instances, these social events were rather laid-back and relaxed. Soobin guessed for the sake of -his- sanity and need to keep his feet on the ground that the other two respected. But every once in a while, Kai's energy levels would reach their limit, and Taehyun loved nothing more than to see the results of it, amused. Or perhaps he loved seeing the mortification on Soobin's face and his limits being pushed in particular.

Then, some of the strangest happenings Soobin has ever been through would take place, like going to a palm reader and having his fortune read on a full moon night. There was an instance where Kai pulled them all to a gay bar's opening celebration. The damned event was masquerade-themed, and after a year Soobin was still yet to recover. Masks -apparently- didn't mean anything else had to be covered.

It happened seldom- these extremes. And lately, the chances of them coming back to life were close to nonexistent; all of the boys focused on their studies. Another part of the fault laid buried deep underground, wrapped in barbwire, not said out loud. But most of all, it was Soobin's fault, and he knew it, wanted to fix that.

But now, Soobin was standing with his right hand raised- reaching for Kai's and Taehyun's dorm's doorknob, unmoving, unblinking. And he couldn't hide from the fact that he would much rather melt into a puddle of rainwater than open that door.

Soobin was fifteen minutes late. Soobin was never late, always punctual. 

It was an early Thursday evening. The wind was blowing through the open hallway windows bringing in the chilly air- a promise that the winter season was soon to arrive. Lull the world into a false peace while the plants underground planned, calculated their next growth. 

On Fridays, he and Taehyun took individual trains home, Kai waving them a grumpy goodbye, sulking. Choosing a Thursday for their get together was a smart move if they ended up making a mess of themselves, didn't manage to get enough sleep that night. They could fall victim to exhaustion or an agonising hangover after the lessons and not care. Once again- a smart move. The issue wasn't the potential of missing out on lectures, not that Soobin would let that happen.

Soobin took a deep breath, holding it in until he felt what seemed like a needle piercing one of his lungs. He let the air out shakily. As he stood there, a story higher, in his dorm room Yeonjun was packing his stuff. Stuffing clothes and a toothbrush into a small leather duffle bag, running fingers through his chalk pink hair, smacking a sugary balm between his lips, checking the time every now and then. Yeonjun was leaving somewhere. Soobin didn't care where the latter was going, for how long he would be gone; all that mattered was that he was leaving.

It wasn't a rare sight- the older disappearing for the night, only to reappear in the morning lecture or close to the sunrise, together with the dawn. But this blessed day Yeonjun was leaving earlier than ever before, additionally- judging by the things he packed-, it seemed he wouldn't be back even at sundown. 

And Soobin was about to be deprived of the beautiful, beautiful opportunity of having a peaceful rest of the day studying, de-stressing, not making a home in the library for once. The same Soobin who hasn't been able to let his guard down, sighing at the image of blue circles under his eyes, gritting his teeth at towels found on a wet bathroom floor, losing sleep over a stupid project that indicated that -he- and this joke of a person were on the same skill level. Not having any background noise, not fearing an intoxicated Yeonjun crashing into his bed by accident during the next couple of hours. 

Yeah, he was about to lose it all.

With Yeonjun crying every other night, sniffling behind closed bathroom doors whenever he -did- spend the night at their dorm room, Soobin had barely slept for days now. Pretending to be taken by slumber, headphones in on full volume. And spending time during the day together in the room never ended well- the space filled with tension and unease.

Soobin wanted to rest. He wanted some time for himself where he could open a book of his choice and submerge into its plot, have some privacy, an hour or two for himself. 

Needless to say, he wasn't excited. But it wasn't Kai's fault, and it wasn't Taehyun's burden to bear. And he wasn't about to make the two boys feel guilty over it, ruin their night with the sullen, tired expression he was sporting. 

So if only he could get his shit together, then maybe this all could be saved- the evening, Kai's and Taehyun's mood. While standing there, Soobin wished he could morphe himself into a state that didn't resemble cataclysmic world war leftovers. Or what he knew would have been even- disappear together with the last traces of daylight. He was desperate. Above all, Soobin just wanted to go home and stay there.

"You know, you could have just knocked," Kai's voice rang in, making Soobin's eyes double in size. Ah, the door was open now, the younger boy staring right at him with a single raised eyebrow.

"I-" Soobin started, "yeah, sorry."

Kai took a step back, "Spaced out?" There was no bite to it, no joke, no nothing. Soobin figured the boy didn't think much of it. No doubt already familiarised himself with Soobin's newfound troubles and how he wore the traces of them as a frown on his face.

He nodded.

The area behind Kai's back was dim- the curtains partially shut. An open laptop was propped on top of a wooden nightstand in the centre of the room, illuminating the surroundings- two beds and Taehyun's small figure on top of one of them. Sitting, watching the exchange with curiosity. Kai gestured for Soobin to come inside while he excused himself. 

"Don't have a bottle opener," he half-whispered before swiftly moving past Soobin and into the hallway.

Taehyun, holding a pillow in his lap, smiled, "Kai's excited- it's cute."

Soobin made a noise of acknowledgement, taking a few steps further and situating himself on the floor between the two beds, besides the small table. All the rooms on campus were built by the same design, with the same interior. Except, the rug in this room wasn't as ugly, didn't have a bizarre pattern. Soobin let his nails run against its fabric- much softer. Then remembered the crumpled money bills in his jean's back pocket, shifting and taking them out.

"For the alcohol," he said, handing Taehyun the money, their fingers brushing against one another for a second. The other boy accepted it with a hum.

"I got the cherry ones for you," the latter replied before passing Soobin a beer bottle with a deep red label. It was still cold from the store's refrigerator, tiny dots of wetness covering the surface. "There's more on the window sill," the boy smirked.

Soobin whipped his head to the side to note three more bottles placed on the white ledge, pressed against the glass. Desperate times called for desperate measures. He couldn't deny it- the idea behind the motion was amusing. "You think this is gonna help keep them cool? The weather's still hovering above zero. I don't even think the glass's cold to touch yet." He grinned in disbelief.

"No idea," Taehyun chuckled, "it's the thought that counts. Keeping them in the shared fridge would result in theft- it's one of those unwritten laws of this world. You've got to work with what you've got."

The moment felt small, a bit fragile, or maybe it was Soobin who felt that way- a little weak, a little drowsy, eyes threatening to fall shut any minute. He straightened his legs in front of him, adjusting his back against the bed's mattress. "Have you decided what we're going to watch?"

"We have a few choices," Taehyun admitted, "Wanna see?"

"Sure," Soobin replied, "I bet it's Ghibli films," he let out a light laugh, feeling better, more awake.

The latter mirrored it, placing the pillow he was holding against the headrest behind him. The answer wasn't needed.

Taehyun stretched, the black baggy shirt he was wearing sliding up his arms, the blue light from the laptop highlighting the boy's straight nose. 

Then, Soobin stiffened, sucking in a breath. It wasn't voluntary. A stupid reflex, a reaction he didn't have control over. Taehyun bent over his shoulder, reaching for the laptop, brushing himself against Soobin's jaw, his cheek. The boy smelled of coffee with a spoonful of liquid caramel drowned in it, laundry detergent and something faded, something Soobin wished he had missed.

Taehyun must have felt him freeze cause what came after was a nearly nonexistent, "sorry," a bit blue in its colour. And then the same word divided them into two separate worlds.

There it was again, the elephant in the room making itself known, the massive translucent nebula shared by the two. Soobin smiled, picking up and handing the younger the laptop. Taehyun smiled too, then let the expression drop into an awkward half a smile, half a pout. Soobin didn't want to think about it.

"How is the project going?" Maybe Taehyun didn't want to either. "Picked a theme?"

"Making notes, writing a draft. So far, so good," he revealed after a cough. "Haven't exactly figured it all out, but I have a month, so it's not an issue."

The room's door opened once more, letting the tension seep away. Kai barged in, panting, flinging the bottle opener in his hands onto Soobin's lap. "Y'all won't believe what I just saw."

Taehyun didn't seem fazed, "Yeji again?"

Soobin felt lost, furrowing his eyebrows. Kai wordlessly nodded, walking towards the two and finding his place right beside Soobin, their body's now pressed together. The younger intervened their elbows.

"I kind of respect her for the things she does," Taehyun added before turning the laptop to face the two boys sitting on the floor. As if nothing had happened, "Soobin, it's either Howl's Moving Castle or The Cat Returns. Choose."

"Wait," Soobin said, opening both his and Kai's bottle. "You're not going to fill me in?" he looked at Kai, who was watching his hands in the clumsy motion, struggling to get the job done while having the boy tied to his side.

"Yeji?" Kai guessed. "She's just living life, Soob. We should take a tip or two from her. Haven't seen her sober since this semester started, yet the girl's passing all of her classes."

"Haven't seen her with the same girlfriend consistently as well. I think they switch," the other boy added with a grin. "Now choose."

Soobin grimaced, finally popping one of the cap's off, "I've seen The Cat Returns fewer times than the other, so I guess that one."

"The Cat Returns it is then," Taehyun announced, this time leaning over the two more carefully, making sure to keep the distance.

With the laptop in front of them and Soobin handing Taehyun his own glass bottle, the boys settled to watch the film. Soobin and Kai on the floor by the bed while Taehyun stayed above on the sheeted bed.

"You look tired," Kai whispered in Soobin's ear as the film's opening started rolling.

Soobin huffed, taking a sip of the cherry flavoured liquid- sweet on his tongue. "I guess," he whispered back. What else was he supposed to say?

"Noted," Kai pinched his upper arm, making Soobin flinch in surprise, eyes wide. "Next time I see you passed out in the library, I won't wake you up." The boy gave him a lopsided, bittersweet smile.

"You can always nap in our room," Taehyun intervened, quietly.

Soobin hated that idea, and the other two knew that. He didn't answer, fixated on film.

"What's his deal anyway?" Kai twisted to look at Soobin from his side, speaking loud and clear, eyebrows furrowed. "Isn't he a year older?"

"Who?" Soobin questioned.

"Yeonjun."

Did it matter? "He is."

"I thought we already knew he was a weirdo," Taehyun sighed, and by now, it was clear to Soobin that the film in front of them was simply there as background noise.

"I remember last autumn when it was mine and Tyun's first year here," Kai laughed in between words, "Yeonjun had just returned from his gap year, and-"

"Oh god," Taehyun chuckled, the mattress behind Soobin's back dipping, "I know what you're about to say."

Soobin could feel his lips involuntarily raising into a smile; the story was far too remarkable.

"-and he fucking did that speech? The one at the freshmans' party," Kai was full-blown laughing now, holding on to Soobin's shoulder for support.

Taehyun cleared his throat, theatrically changing his voice to resemble Yeonjun's. "Just like in The Land Before Time," he loudly continued after the youngest, "we are gathered here for a great event."

"For fucks sake," Soobin closed his eyes, pressing the cool bottle against his forehead. He couldn't keep the grin off his face.

"For some, it will be a new beginning, a start to the evolution of becoming an adult. For some," Taehyun was still going at it with the speech. Soobin could imagine the latter with his palm flat where his heart was. "- a catastrophe at worst."

Kai was close to rolling on the floor, "And that was -before- everyone knew he had a weird dinosaur obsession. We just thought he was high and saying whatever."

"Yeah, the campus learned quickly," Taehyun replied. "Next thing we knew, everyone called him the dino-mite guy," he snickered, and Soobin decided it was the best moment to drown one-third of his drink.

"The dinosaur puns were big that semester," Kai reminisced with fondness. "Tyun, what do you ask your coursemate after sneaking out of a lecture?" The youngest squealed.

Taehyun didn't waste any time, "Do-you-think-he-saurus?" And then they both cracked up.

The conversations were silly, way above that, but somehow they made it better. Because when Taehyun and Kai joked around, making fun of the same thing that was slowly eating away Soobin's will to exist, it turned into that- just a joke. And suddenly it wasn't as bad anymore- the situation losing its impact on him, becoming bearable.

That was how they watched the film, sipping on their beers, swinging like seaweeds from amusement every time Kai made a pun or remembered another story. 

"Do you think we've changed?" Kai questioned. 

"Since when?" the boy behind their backs answered mid-sip.

"Ahh, let's say since we met Soobin," the youngest ruffled Soobin's hair while grinning, "So what? Four years now? What do you say?" He said, shifting to look at Soobin.

He had to think about it for a while. Even though the years had flown by quickly, Soobin would say their history was rich. "You're taller," he joked, meeting Kai's gaze.

Taehyun laughed, "He's definitely getting more daring with each passing day, that's for sure. Used to be a little baby, now look at his jawline- that's like the main warning signal for incoming danger."

Kai let out a loud laugh, cheeks turning a darker shade of pink. "You're not the one to talk," he shrieked. "Show Soobin the leather jacket collection you're hiding in our wardrobe, you punk!"

Soobin couldn't help but chuckle at Taehyun's reaction, the boy throwing an innocent pillow at the younger's nape followed by a, "Shut up, they look good on me!"

"I think you've both become more goal orientated, hardworking," Soobin finally came up with a decent answer.

"I'd blame that on your influence," Kai nodded. "I don't think Tyun would have even found his passion for history if it weren't for you."

It was a nice thought. "And me?" Soobin asked, curious. "Have I changed?"

"You've always been a bit of a loner, keeping most to yourself." Taehyun started, "I'd even say you've gone deeper within your shell."

Ah, maybe, but Soobin couldn't help the fast approach of adult life. He didn't really have a choice than to merge with it.

"Soobie's matured a lot. Doesn't read those teen fantasy rom-com anymore," Kai interrupted with this type of earnestness in his voice, Soobin couldn't help but feel it reach his heart even if the grin on the boy's face was teasing. "I think he's become more sure of himself, grounded. He might shy away from -fun-," the boy rolled his eyes in a joking manner, "but he trusts his own decisions and in a way inspires the people around him to trust theirs as well. He doesn't push on his opinions, but he surely lives by them with no faults."

It didn't take long for their bottles to be empty and for Kai to be fast asleep on Soobin's shoulder, purring, murmuring every once in a while. Just another proof the boy didn't hold his liquor. 

The film was over, and they had switched to watching their favourite music videos as the alcohol let their bodies relax for a bit. Soobin felt a slight buzz, but that was about it, and he guessed Taehyun felt the same. They hadn't changed their positions, but Soobin knew the latter was awake and checking his phone by the faint light and by the way the mattress dipped once in a while.

"I think I'll go now," Soobin whispered, careful not to wake the youngest.

"We should put Kai to bed," Taehyun sighed, slipping down onto the floor beside the two of them. "Let's just drag him into mine; it will be easier."

Soobin nodded, bit by bit sliding his arms around Kai's limp body, trying to hold him up. Taehyun folded the blanket, fluffed the pillows as Soobin gently laid the boy down. Then, they covered him, both wishing him a good night in response to Kai's sleeptalking.

"Let me guide you to the stairway?" Taehyun pleaded, and Soobin nodded, sparing one last glance at the sleeping boy.

"It's going to be a real task getting him out of bed tomorrow," Taehyun sighed once they both stepped onto the hallway's chipped flooring, the planks creaking with each of their steps. 

"He's a grown boy," Soobin smiled, "he'll manage."

The foyer was nearly absent of sound. The surrounding silence, the single echo of their soles against the wood- deadly. A fly was moving its tiny wings at the speed of light above their heads, the commandant snored face pressed against the headrest of her wheeled chair; Soobin could hear it all.

"Ah, if one of us three does, it will be him," Taehyun added tiredly, which resulted in a cloud of confusion in Soobin's mind.

"What do you mean?" he asked as they passed the sleeping woman, both of them shamelessly eyeing her open mouth.

"You're worn out."

"I'm worn out," Soobin admitted. "That's it?"

"No, it's not," Taehyun replied. "Well," he began again after a few breaths, "-yes it is. There is just more depth to it."

"It's alright," Soobin shrugged. It was too late for having that conversation, and he knew the latter read it from his voice.

Taehyun had always been good at it- sensing Soobin's mood, reading his thoughts without much effort. " _ It came naturally to him" _ was what Soobin wanted to think, but the truth hid between a past of sweaty palms and unfaltering gazes. For both of them.

They had reached the stairs leading to Soobin's room, and finally, after turning to face the latter, Soobin noticed lines of worry on Taehyun's forehead that weren't there before.

The boy nervously bit his lip, "Additionally, I'm a bit of a fool, you see," he revealed his own flaws.

Soobin didn't have enough time to question him, ask for an explanation as Taehyun's hands reached for his cheeks, holding his face. And then he was closer than before, than in a long time, and Soobin was struck in place, gulping loudly.

As much as the gesture brought shockwaves through Soobin's spine, tingling his skin with a taste of syrupy sweetness, it also painted the whole room grey. Soobin realised it made him sad more than anything else.

Taehyun seemingly noticed it, too, dropping his gaze from Soobin's lips to the floor. Still, he leaned in and kissed his cheek, featherlike, then stepped back, letting his palms travel from Soobin's face down to his shoulders, upper and lower arms, ending with a soft touch against Soobin's fingertips.

"Why are you doing this?" Soobin whispered, the heartache mixing with the exhaustion. The situation in Kai's and Taehyun's room now translucent, the multiple invites to sleep in their room, as well. He felt defeated.

Taehyun rolled his eyes, and Soobin could note unshed tears, glistening with a reflection of the few yellow lights above them. He knew right here and now- Taehyun felt sad too, maybe had felt for a long time.

"Why?" the boy whispered back abruptly, a little mean. "Because it's your last year, Soobin."

Soobin knew he was supposed to react, say something, but he didn't. He kept looking past Taehyun, over his shoulder, mentally drilling a hole into the wall behind the boy. Couldn't dare to look at him; it would eat him alive.

"Possibly -our- last year," Taehyun shrugged after a moment of nothingness. "-and I'm scared. I'm scared to lose you."

It wasn't like Soobin hadn't thought about it himself, but there were some things, situations he couldn't control.

"When you finish university, where do we go from there? This friendship's not one we can save; Kai can't save it as much as he wants. Just look at us- look at me- it's all strained." the latter waved his hands at the side of Soobin's vision.

Taehyun wasn't wrong, their friendship hasn't been the same in a while, the connection they shared now dusted with a sour taste. A mimic of what they used to have. Yet Soobin had never acknowledged the hurt that laced Taehyun's company, he had let it slide.

"And I - I still like you. Shit, maybe even more than that. As selfish as that is, I just don't want to let you go. I can't."

"I don't know what's going to happen," Soobin whispered belatedly, ignoring the rest.

"No," Taehyun answered, the hurt in his voice evident. "That's the thing. You try to control everything all the time, but the second something moves on its own- you flee. You forget about it, run away. You're running away, Soobin. Again."

The words went over his head, and there was a chance Soobin himself wasn't there anymore- in this hallway. He was the fog rising outside, the moon shining over the brick walls of his hometown, a stray cat with a single eye meowing beneath an open window. Soobin was anywhere but in front of Taehyun.

"I need to go," Soobin dared to blink and slowly meet the younger's teary eyes. "I have a morning lecture."

He was ready to turn away when, "-wait, no, Soobin," the younger boy exhaled with great difficulty.

"Sorry," Soobin faked a wavering smile, unwiring the latter's fingers that had taken hold of his sleeves. He felt ten times more tired than before.

"Do you not feel the same anymore?"

Soobin felt like death. "We've had this talk already," he replied, biting the inside of his cheek.

"Then what is it? What are you scared of?" Taehyun hugged his own body, and there was regret all over him. It consumed him. Soobin wished he wasn't able to see it. 

"I-," Soobin started, but the next thing he knew was the familiar sound of footsteps, and Taehyun muttering under his breath something Soobin wished he hadn't heard, and -Soobin- was walking away. He was walking up the stairs, and he needed sleep and needed to get away. Yeah, - yeah, that would help. Getting away.

Once at his room's door, he unlocked it, carefully closing the entrance behind his back so that it wouldn't wake the neighbouring students. The room was filled with shadows, void of Yeonjun's presence as Soobin had already expected. So Soobin let his knees buckle, let his legs bend as he gave up on holding himself together without any remorse or shame.

He wanted to pull at his hair, hands aching to grip onto any thread of stability. Something - anything - to not let him give further into the intolerable ache between his lungs.

Fuck this. Soobin let out a wet laugh, one that resembled giving up, and let his body gradually collide with the cold floor, becoming one with dust. In the dark, he felt safe. Shit, even the ugly rug could be forgiven. 

Soobin let himself cry.

It was too much- all of it- the university and all the work he had to do for it, the worry over his mother, Yeonjun with his godforsaken incapability of being decent and now this. Taehyun and him. 

In reality, Soobin knew he would be able to deal with all of it- not that he had any other options- and, in a matter of weeks, it would be fine. He would be fine. But he couldn't blame himself for whatever this was- a shortage of strength, a point of breaking but only for tonight. Because when it all crashed together- all of these smaller aches combined together into a much bigger, undeniable pang of soreness- what was he supposed to do? Soobin was crashing down with them only to start over again. It was nothing new. That was life- a series of falling and getting up, falling and getting up.

There on the floor, Soobin took a look, scanning the room for leftovers of Choi Yeonjun- a mess of clothes and ripped papers. The part right in front of the door, where his body lied, seemed fine, yet after further inspection, he was filled with another displeasure. 

Soobin sighed, wiping the tears off his face. He pushed himself further into the room, ignoring a pair of jeans that had been left behind- tossed to the corner of their shared space. Was this supposed to be an improvement? He got out his phone, turning on the flashlight and pointing it under the other boy's bed. 

Great.

If this was Yeonjun trying to -clean- after himself, it wasn't going to work. It looked like the boy had kicked all of his trash under the bed, the sight beyond disappointing.

Soobin pressed his forehead against the floor, shutting his eyes. Just one year. This all would end in a year, even less. He just had to make it through a bit more of whatever the fuck this chaos was, and then he would be free. At least from Yeonjun, at least from being a goddamned maid. 

And what the hell even was this? All of these papers constantly being thrown around- half of them ripped. Schoolwork? Failed assignments or drafts? Alright, he hasn’t found them crumpled and left just anywhere after the first time, but two days ago Soobin came across a page tossed into the toilet. He knew the latter's backpack was filled with them- had noticed it during a lecture. Was Yeonjun insane? In his anger, Soobin hadn't checked the writings on either of them, only focused on getting the trash out of his face. 

What the hell was up with this guy?

Soobin turned his face to the side, reaching under the bed to pull out one of the less destroyed pieces. It was a thicker paper, folded in three parts, and if Soobin had to guess, he'd say it was ripped out of a journal or something along those lines. He shone the light on it, eyes squinted.

What was anger before now turned into bewilderment, fear. Soobin widened his eyes and clenched his teeth, reading, silently freaking out. Without much thought, he grabbed another piece out from the shadows, this one filled with harsher lines, and studied it.

Soobin was an idiot. A fucking idiot. The worst kind of idiot. The idiot that hadn’t been aware of the fact that he had been an idiot the whole time.

Why the fuck had he let Yeonjun cry in the bathroom alone? Why the fuck did he allow his anger to overtake him? Soobin was the parasite, wasn't he? It was actually him, not the other way around. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. 

He hadn't even -tried- talking to Yeonjun. He hadn't even -asked- the boy if he could be tidier, reaching common ground. Why the fuck would Yeonjun be decent if the first thing Soobin did once they met, was being a goddamned asshole to him? Soobin had assumed he knew everything better, yet he didn't. He fucking didn't. 

And now Soobin felt like shit; he -deserved- to feel like shit.

The pages, the ripped papers- they seemed to be torn out of a diary. And there was so much hurt in them it shocked Soobin, made him feel guilt over everything. 

_ Yeonjun's sob story. _ God, Soobin had been such a piece of shit, so ignorant. And it wasn't as if he hadn't known the latter was pained in some way, he had let it slide. Why? 

Maybe Taehyun was right. He ran away because he couldn't control whatever was happening. Not physically, but mentally this time. Yeonjun was messing up his daily rhythm, and he exploded, unreasonably, so, so selfishly.

Soobin never wanted to be a bad person. It had never been his intention, it just - it just happened. 

His head was spinning.

And what was he supposed to do now? With Taehyun? With Yeonjun? With Kai once the boy found out his tries have ended up severing their cracked connection even more. 

No, it wasn't the younger boy's fault. It was Soobin's. All of it.

And the text on these crumpled papers- Yeonjun's writing was good. Far more than that, it was epigrammatic, heartfelt, filled with so much emotion Soobin could choke on it, lose his breath over it. 

Was this why Yeonjun hadn't been expelled, the professors knowing his potential and letting him redeem himself over and over again? It wasn't -exactly- fair, but Soobin could understand it now, see the reasoning.

The outspoken little boy Choi Yeonjun from his memories- the one who spoke his name with pride- now hid his torn heart under an unmade bed, avoiding conversation. Allowed himself to be painted as a joke.

Soobin felt stupid. God, he felt so fucking stupid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me, writing this chapter: hmmmm what's the saddest song i know that i could use for yeonjuns little page... OH this one >:D ! 
> 
> hope u liked this chapter, thank u sm for reading and sorry for the slow updates .... T - T im curious,,, what do u think will happen now?

**Author's Note:**

> follow my [ twitter ](https://twitter.com/yoonkiboonki) ? 
> 
> Kudos and comments always welcomed :")  
> 


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